Housekeeping...I have your SOAP, sir!

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.

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Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,

S. Berman

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Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily.

I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid

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Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid.

Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.

I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.

Please remove them.

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience.

I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.

Your regular maid,

Dotty

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Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.

Elaine Carmen

Housekeeper

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Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530 or 6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty.

I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.

Thank you,

Elaine Carmen,

Housekeeper

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Dear Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder

Assistant Manager

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Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial.

Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed.

Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen

Housekeeper

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Dear Mrs. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:

On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.

On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.

On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.

Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.

In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.

On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.

On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.

One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

S. Berman

HEY, THAT’S NOT A RAFT!

 

Newspix / Rex / Rex USA

An Australian couple found an exciting new use for a blow-up doll when they turned an inflatable sex toy into a raft. But they had to be rescued when the woman lost her grip on the doll in the rough waters of the Yarra River outside Melbourne on Sunday.

TOAD-ALLY UN-HOPPY

      [Story as reported by Ed Mazza, aolnews.com]

Holger Hollemann, AFP / Getty Images

Of course she's unhappy. Who likes getting weighed right after the holidays? This is Agathe, a cane toad, and she's sitting on a toy scale during an annual animal inventory at the Hanover Zoo in Germany on Jan. 5. Agathe weighs a slight hop over 4 pounds.

Cane toads like Agathe, on the other hand, are an invasive species in many areas, and their introduction into Australia in the 1930s as a form of natural pest control was a spectacular failure.

They didn't eat the beetle grubs they were brought in to control, and they quickly became a pest themselves, as documented in the 1988 film "Cane Toads: An Unnatural History."

Now, every March 29 is designated "Toad Day Out" in some parts of the country, and Australians are encouraged to hunt and kill the frogs to "celebrate."
Last year's event took about 10,000 frogs off the map -- literally of a ton of them, according to local media reports.

Cane toads are also licked in Australia -- yes, licked -- as a recreational drug, because of the supposed hallucinatory and stimulatory effects of the frog's venom.
But at least one expert says that's all hype and no hop.

"The effects recorded are more like symptoms of mild poisoning than full-blown hallucination," Paul Dillon of Australia's National Drug and Alcohol Research Center told the Sydney Morning Herald.

On the other hand, toad lickers risk salmonella poisoning, so let that be a lesson to you: No matter what you read on the Internet, never lick a frog.

Horny Elderly Man in China….

Huang Yuanfan, 84, of Ziyuan, China, is the latest person to report an unusual growth protruding from the head. His horn began growing two years ago and has reached a length of 3 inches, according to Metro.co.uk and other British news sites.

CEN

When it began as a small bump, Huang said he tried picking at it and even filing it, but the horn persevered and kept growing.

"Doctors say they don't know what caused it, but if they try to take it off it will just come back," Huang told the press. "I try to hide it beneath a hat, but if it gets much longer it will be sticking out the top."

‘HEIL ROVER’?

                          Tor Borg and his dog Jackie, who was dubbed Hitler by Borg's wife as it raised its paw for the Nazi salute. The Nazis started an investigation against the dog's owner, a 41-year-old wholesale merchant in Finland.

Recently discovered WWII documents have revealed Nazi’s obsession focused on a Finnish mutt, Janice, who saluted Germany's Fuehrer.

The totalitarian state that dominated most of Europe was unable to do much about the canine's paw-raising parody.   

In the months preceding Hitler's invasion of the Soviet Union, Berlin's Foreign Office commanded its diplomats in the Nazi-friendly country to gather evidence on the dog and its owner — and even plotted to destroy the owner's pharmaceutical business.

Historians were unaware of the scheme until some 30 files containing correspondence and diplomatic cables were found by a researcher in the Foreign Office archives.

Klaus Hillenbrand, an expert on the Nazi period who examined the documents, called the episode "completely bizarre."

"Just months before the Nazis launched their attack on the Soviet Union, they had nothing better to do than to obsess about this dog," he told The Associated Press.

Jackie, the Dalmatian mix, was dubbed Hitler by her owners – Tor Borg and wife, Josephine, a German citizen known for her anti-Nazi sentiments - because of the way Jackie raised a paw high in the air, much like Germans greeting the Fuehrer with a cry of "Heil Hitler!"

Borg was ordered to the German Embassy and, when questioned, tried to play down the accusations, saying the paw-raising only happened a few times in 1933 — shortly after Hitler came to power.

Borg assured the Nazi diplomats that he never did anything "that could be seen as an insult against the German Reich," according to the documents.

After a seemingly intense and meticulous investigation involving such ministries as the Foreign Office, the Economy Ministry and even Hitler's Chancellory — the ministries announced that the German chemical conglomerate IG Farben, which supplied Borg's wholesale trade with pharmaceuticals, agreed to cut all ties, which would have destroyed his business.

Meanwhile, the Foreign Office was looking for ways to bring Borg to trial for insulting Hitler. But in the end, none of the witnesses were willing to repeat their accusations in front of a judge, thus no charges were brought against Borg or his wife. 

SCUBA BUNNIES?

 

According to the Chinese zodiac calendar, Feb. 3 will mark the beginning of the Year of the Rabbit, and some people -- like this diver in South Korea -- have started celebrating a little bit early. Divers at the COEX Aquarium in Seoul put on bunny suits and took a swim on Dec. 31 to set the tone for the Year of the Rabbit.

Divers at the COEX Aquarium in Seoul, South Korea, dressed like rabbits and swam with a school of fish on Friday for an early celebration of the new year, which is observed -- with some variation -- throughout much of Asia.

The Chinese zodiac calendar follows a 12-year cycle, meaning the Year of the Rabbit might be your year if you were born in 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987 or 1999.
Believers in Chinese astrology say the Year of the Rabbit, sometimes called the Year of the Hare, ought to be more peaceful than the highly volatile Year of the Tiger.

Though some predict that the Year of the Rabbit will be more calm than last year, that doesn't mean you can't ring in the new year with a major party. Expect large Chinese New Year parades in cities like San Francisco, Los Angeles and New York City.

2-HOUR ICE BATH

Guo Liliang, Xinhua / Corbis

Jin Songhao stands in a plastic box during a cold endurance competition in Zhangjiajie, China, on Monday. He reportedly beat the existing record for the longest ice bath by immersing himself in ice for 120 minutes.

Clad only in swim trunks, China's Jin Songhao reportedly endured a freezing-cold ice bath for two hours -- potentially setting a new world record for direct, full-body contact with ice.

Current Guinness World Record holder Chen Kecai of China competed alongside Jin in Monday's contest in China's Hunan province. Kecai reportedly lasted 118 minutes, besting his record-setting 2010 showing by 10 minutes.

But officials pulled Chen out of the box when monitoring devices showed the 53-year-old's body temperature falling, according to ITN News.  Both competitors outlasted Dutch citizen Wim Hof, who in a separate event held in Hong Kong reportedly managed to stay in an icy bath for 115 minutes earlier this week.

Though Hof wasn't able to set a new record, that doesn't mean he's been frozen out of the record books. The 51-year-old remains a Guinness World Record holder for running the fastest half marathon barefoot on snow.

Suicide Garbage Blunder

 Reuters – Garbage bags which broke the fall

New York (Reuters) – A man attempting to commit suicide jumped from a ninth story window was alive on Monday after a pile of garbage bags broke his fall. 

Vangelis Kapatos, 26, was hospitalized in critical but stable condition after jumping from his apartment on West 45th Street on Sunday afternoon, authorities said.  Kapatos most likely will not face any charges since he did not leave a suicide note prior to jumping.

Trash has not been collected since the December 26 storm dumped more than a foot and a half of snow on the city. Mounds of garbage several feet high line many sidewalks.

"Everybody is complaining that the trash hasn't been picked up," Kapatos' aunt said on Monday. "But me, I'm thankful that it was never picked up."

MAGIC PYTHONSSSSS….

Hundreds of villagers flocked to a wedding ceremony Monday between a 16-foot (4.8-meter), 200-pound (90-kilogram) female python and her slightly smaller mate — both believed to be magic snakes that bring prosperity and peace.

The two-hour ceremony in Svay Rolum village, 12 miles (20 kilometers) south of the capital Phnom Penh, ended with two Buddhist monks blessing the pair and villagers showering them with flowers as wedding music played.